


Sadness

by Heiko5151



Category: Rammstein
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 13:53:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 3,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16138613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heiko5151/pseuds/Heiko5151
Summary: A pyrotechnic accident and a medical mix up leads the members of Rammstein to believe Paul is dead.





	1. Till

I was walking when I realized the time. I had to get back to where we were to preform. I took off running. I barely made it in time to get ready. So, we were in Sweden. When we went on stage we did our normal stuff.

I then noticed something wrong during a song. We decided to use a pyrotechnic. We had trouble with one of the pyrotechnics and got it replaced and the one the tech handed Paul was the old one. I ran but wasn't fast enough. It exploded and Paul got hurt. I helped put out a fire. I looked up to see Oliver got thrown some distance. He also got burned. 

I called for help and everyone else stopped what they were doing to see what happened? Help came and they took him and from what they said it didn't look good.   
They let Richard go with them and he looked sad. I would have to say I failed to stop him from getting burned. I sat on the edge of the stage and started to think.


	2. Richard

I went with them when they took Paul to the hospital. I sat in the hospital waiting room. We all watch out for each other and we all felt we failed. I could tell by my phone's text from everyone. The one it was the worst on was Till. He said nothing and from what the tech said he sat on the stage in silence.

He was so sad. Oliver was treated and found me and sat down. We were then joined by Schneider and Flake. I got a text from the tech who said that he quite. But, he said that Till left from where he was. I sent Flake to find him.   
I had to admit this wasn't good. I had too think why Paul of all people. He wanted to tell our secret and we got into a fight. I felt so bad. Now I have regret. Last thing I said to him was I hated him. 

I wished I could take it all back. But, I can't. I failed as a husband. No one knew we were married. But, I failed him.


	3. Flake

I went to look for Till. I had a really nice time trying to find him. Not really that was sarcasm. I went to where Till was last seen. I found him laying on the stage with a bottle in his hand. I knew what that meant. He was drunk.   
I also felt like I failed Paul as a friend. I sat down next to Till. I tapped him and he didn't move. What he didn't know was that I learned first aid. So, I checked to see if he was alive and he was. I was glad. I didn't want to feel like more of a failure right now. 

I took the bottle out of his hand and that is when I happened to glance over. I look and noticed the other bottle in his other hand. I took it and read it and called for help. The bottle was empty and it should have almost been full.   
I checked him again and this time I noticed his breathing and heart rate was weaker. When help did come I had to watch them bring him back. I had failed to see and lost time. 

I met the others who were still waiting to find out about Paul in the waiting room. How was I going to tell them. I couldn't even look at them.


	4. Oliver

I looked at Flake and noticed something was wrong. "What is wrong with you Flake?" I asked him.

"I failed him. I missed what was right in front of me. He almost lost his life due to me." said Flake. 

I saw him fidgeting with something in his hands. He looked up and was crying. "What happened."

"We lost him once and he had to be brought back."

He dropped the thing he was fidgeting with on the floor and left. I picked it up and was in shock. I got mad at Till. 

"What the hell was he thinking?"

"Oliver, what is wrong?" said Richard and Schneider at the same time. 

"Till, od on prescription medication. This isn't Flake's fault."

I took off running to find Flake and I found him outside. "Oliver, what is it?"

"Come with me."

"OK."

I had him come back in with me and the doctor who treated Till said that we could see him. He said that he was lucky. We told him why he did it and he had sadness. 

Me and Flake sat next to Till. I was mad at him. I feel I failed Paul as a friend. I was the closest and I ended up knocked over. I ended up with some second degree burns. This day has been the worst.


	5. Schneider

I was sitting with Richard and I was shocked about everything that has happened today. I felt I failed Paul as a friend. From what I noticed we all felt that way.  
Richard was going through his phone. He looked really sad. A doctor finally came out to talk to Richard. 

"We lost him I am sorry."

I looked at Richard and he got up made some arrangements. Then he came and got me. He text Flake and Oliver. Then he stepped into a bar. It also served food. Oliver and Flake met us.

"You look as someone died." said Flake. 

"I regret the last thing I said to Paul. I loved him. He wanted to tell you guys. I didn't want to that we were married. I told him I hated him. He didn't make. He died and I failed."

He broke down and cried. We all did and after seeing all we had for that day. We had a reason to. Flake went back to be with Till. We went back to where we were staying.


	6. Till

I woke up a few days later to see Flake sitting next to me. "Flake, why are you here?"

He woke up and looked at me. "I found you almost too late. We lost you once. Your lucky." 

He left for a minute and got a doctor. A doctor came into the room and I was released. We then went back to Germany. 

I noticed something was missing and everyone was sad. When we got there. Flake took me to a funeral.

"I am sorry to tell you now please don't get mad. Paul, didn't make it. It has been hard on everyone."

"I failed."

"We all did."

It was a nice service. We all cried. I heard Richard's story. I felt so bad. 

When it was over we went home and I laid in bed. I thought about the last few weeks. I couldn't believe Paul was gone.


	7. Paul

I woke up to find I couldn't see really well. I had no idea what happened or what was going on. A long while passed and a person came into the room to check on me. 

"Paul Landers of Poland right?”

"Nein, ich bin Paul Landers aus Deutschland."

"I made a really bad mistake. Your friend's think your dead. They buried the wrong Paul Landers."

"I will say this do nothing yet and I can't see well. I can't remember what happened."

"A pyrotechnic blew up. One of your friends was also burned but not bad in the process. He was really tall. Another of your friends tried to od and we almost lost him. He blamed himself and said that he wasn't fast enough. Something about his training failed him."

"Tall one is Oliver and the other one is Till."

"You can go you had a few third degree burns on your arm but you was lucky it was mostly second."

I ended up with glasses and got my stuff back and found I lost four months. I went to Russia to learn to be a paramedic/fire fighter. I did some training.

It was a year and a half before I returned to Germany. I didn't want to let on who I was. If they thought I was dead then I thought it best to remain that way to them.


	8. Richard

I got a job as a paramedic/fire fighter. Flake got a job as a  
paramedic. We went to work and met a new guy on our shift. He was Russian and he had blue hair and glasses. He was looking for a roommate and Paul had been gone a year and a half. His German was bad. But his name was Heiko. He was my partner. I didn't know what to say. He did well with his job.

After work I took him to my place and to his room. I told him then to come with me after he dropped his stuff off. I took him to meet my friends.

We walked into Till's house and he saw us. Everyone was there. I sat down and so did Heiko.

"Who is this?" asked Till. 

"My work partner his name is Heiko. He is Russian. His German is bad. Makes me wish Paul was still here. He spoke Russian. I still wish I could say sorry to him for my fight. I wish I would have listened. Who would have known you guys would find out we were married when he died. I failed him. Heiko, this is Till, Till is also a firefighter. Flake, who works with us. Schneider and Oliver." said Richard. 

"We all failed him." everyone said at the same time. 

Everyone started to cry except Heiko. He got up and left. I watched as he took off walking. 

"I better get going."

We got going and when we got home Heiko unpacked. I found when he was done he was looking at pictures of me and Paul. I didn't understand why he looked so sad. He took off and ran. 

I had been visiting Paul's grave every week and I have been finding fresh flowers. I walked into the cemetery and I found someone setting flowers on the grave. I walked over to them and noticed the blue hair. 

"Heiko, did you know Paul?" 

He turned around and looked at me. He was crying. He took his glasses off. I saw his eyes were dark brown. 

"Richard, ya, Ich tut mir leid."

"He died in a Pyrotechnic accident. I loved him and the last words were I hate you"

He cried harder. We got a call and we went to it. It was a really bad fire.


	9. Heiko/Paul

I didn't tell them yes I am Heiko. I thought Reesh was going to get it when he said I speak Russian that I am Paul. So, I am both one and the same Heiko and Paul. I think it funny I am in their lives and they don't know it. I guess I changed everything about myself so much that they don't recognize me. I then put on my gear and help save a lady from the fire. But, I went back in Richard and I was on the last room close to the door when Richard fell through the floor.

I had to call for Till. He helped me. "Reesh, can you hear me."

took my gear off and Richard's. I checked him. Flake ran over to me. They got the fire out. Till stood there. Flake showed me his gauge on his gear. It wasn't working.

I checked to see if he was breathing. He wasn't. I know not how much time has passed. He had no heart beat either. I started cpr. 

"Is he?" asked Till.

Flake handed me the paddles and I had to shock him. I was trying not to cry. "Reesh, not on my watch I know you can't hear this. I love you and I except your apology."

"Paul, focus."

I listened to Till but, how did he know I was Paul. Finnally I hear a coughing sound. I broke down and cried. I made sure he had oxygen. He inhaled too much smoke. Me, Flake, and Till transported him to the hospital. I was in the room while they treated him because I was a medic. I was told he was going to make it.  
I walked out to the waiting room when Till and Flake walk over to me. 

"Heiko, what was that about?" said Flake. 

"Paul???" 

"Yes, Till, me Heiko is Paul Landers there was a Paul Landers of Poland and they got us mixed up. You guys buryed him. I had to know how you guys took it. I do have scars on my arms see. I am sorry. If you hate me that is fine. Don't tell Reesh yet."

They suprised me by group hugging me. I was happy. I called Oliver and Schneider and they met us here. I told them who I was and they was happy and I could tell they missed me.

Me and Flake went back to work. Richard had a broken leg. He was doing a little better but they were keeping him overnight.


	10. Richard

I was released the next day. I ended up finding a news clip of Heiko trying to save me and it caught some of what he said. That he excepted my apology and that he loved me. Also where Till calls him Paul. How did he know my nickname? I heard perfect German. Who is Heiko really. 

After my leg healed. I heard guitar playing. I walked into Paul's office and found Heiko. I got mad and I punch him. His nose started to bleed. I kept hitting him. 

"Your not taking Paul's place. No one can replace him."

I had him pinned and a bloody mess. "Reesh, stop I am sorry. Please stop."

I took his glasses and broke them. "Now who are you really."

"I can't see without the glasses due to injuries I have."

He put up his arm to block me from hitting him some more. I saw the burn marks and I stop. Like he was in a fire or something. 

"What happened to you?"

"Everyone else knows but you. I am sorry but, it was a accident involving fire."

He got up and got somethings and left. When he came back Till was with him. "Why, did you beat up Heiko?"

"No one takes Paul's place."

"You want to hear the news."

"Sure."

"Schneider and Oliver are now fire fighters/paramedics also I never could have done what Paul did. He was  composed until the end when it came to saving you. That is how you repay him."

"You did it again you called him Paul. I watched the news of that night and it cought everything. He said he excepted my apology and he loved me. What a freak. Then you call him Paul."

I then saw Heiko storm out of the house and I wondered what his problem was. Then I noticed Till looking at me. I had no idea what to say. 

"Heiko, wants to be himself. We all know what happened to him."

"What was it?" 

"He had the same name as a guy in Poland. The guy from Poland died. His friends buried the wrong person. So, they all thought he was dead. He went to Russia since he is part Russian. He has been slowly getting his friends trust to tell them enjoy there lives with or without him. He wanted to trust you and you broke that trust."

"How did he get the burns?" 

"Pyrotechnic accident."

"I broke his glasses."

"I know I helped him get a new pair."

"He pleaded with me to stop and I wouldn't" 

"What was the trigger?" 

"He picked up one of Paul's guitars and played it."

Till was mad at me. "He didn't ask for this. He misses who he was. He told me he didn't want to bother you. Now you made him discide to stay who is now. He does love you. You hurt him."

"It would help if you would all would tell me who he is instead of speaking in riddles."

Till got mad and left. I went to work to find I had a new partner. My new partner was Oliver. He was even mad at me.


	11. Heiko/Paul

I have been avoiding Richard. My partner was Schneider. Even though me and Richard live in the same house. I then decided to just go back to being Paul but told everyone around Richard. I am still Heiko. 

It was the five year anniversary of my own supposed death and I found Reesh in the cemetery. I know he missed me but, I was best gone. I walked over to him as Paul. 

"It is sad isn't it. How a accident can take someone and ruin a life."

"Yes, how did you know that?" 

"I have been watching from a distance. I won't hurt you."

I walked away and left him. I then went home. I missed things being the way they were. 

Richard walked in not long after to find me looking at pictures of us on my phone. I then thought about alot of things. What if that accident never happened. 

I was driving to work when someone drove on the wrong side of the road and hit me. I felt alot of pain. I then blacked out.


	12. Richard

We got a call to a car accident. Me and Oliver worked on freeing the one who was driving the right way. when we got him out we realized he was hurt bad. But, when when Oliver looked over at him he started to cry. Flake and Schneider walk over and looked at the person we were trying to save and started to cry.

"There was no saving the other driver. He died on impact."

I look at the guy that got hurt and went to work trying to save him. Schneider grabbed his stuff out of the car. Flake and Oliver helped me.

He was hurt bad. He stopped breathing and his heart stopped and I went to work. I had to shock him. As I call it. When he started breathing again we transported him to the hospital.

Schneider handed me his stuff and I looked at his phone and I saw a picture of me and Paul. I had looked at his identification stuff. I saw it was Paul's.

I sat down and Schneider sat with me. "Heiko, is Paul isn't he?"

"Yes, we buried the wrong Paul."

"I hit him and hurt him."

"I know."

The doctor came to talk to us. He had a few broken bones a broken wrist, leg, arm, ribs, he wasn't breathing on his own. He was in critical condition. We could see him.

I sat next to him. "I wish you told me who you was."

I cried and I hated to go back to work but I had too. I felt so bad. If he made it I had alot of apologies to give to Paul.


	13. Paul

I woke up a few months later and I was well enough to go home. I went home and found my phone on the bed. I found my other stuff. My bones was healed. I was strong enough to go back to being a medic but not a firefighter. So, I was OK with that. They tested me. I sat on my bed.

I found a note on the bed. That told me to look under the bed. I did and found a guitar. I found inside a note that said I am sorry for everything. I should have listened to you all along. I left and completely changed back to Paul. I took the guitar with me. It was Accustic. I went to where I worked. I sat down and started playing. 

The people I worked with started to sit with me. The ones that wasn't on call.  Everyone knew who I was. My story I think Reesh figured it out. I was still playing when Richard, Oliver, Flake, Till, and Schneider walk in. 

Richard looked at me and was in shock. I looked at him and sang I forgive you and still love you. I put down the guitar and Richard walked over to me and hugged and kissed me. 

"Paul, I am so sorry."

"I forgive you."

We quit our jobs and went back to making music. The thing we do best. Things were back to normal. We were finally happy.


End file.
